LightBridge

Caring for a family member with Alzheimer's disease is such a difficult task. What are some ways that help you cope with the stress?

What works for me is to make sure that you have some relief. Have someone else watch your loved one regularly so you can have some time to yourself.

I think it is very important to remind yourself as a caregiver that the behaviors you see in your loved one is due to the disease not the person... Sometimes their difficult behavior can seem personal, but it really isn't...it's the disease talking!

I would love to hear more ideas on how to cope with stress...

One of the most basic, but powerful approaches to coping with stress, is finding "everyday joy" and increasing it on a very intentional level. what gives you great joy...music? cooking? gardening? reading? special movies? Whatever you can identify that provides this "daily joy" should be increased on a daily basis to combat stress.

In addition to practicing activities that give daily joy, another approach to coping with stress is to think about the positive aspects of caregiving.
Caregiving may be rewarding, increase your sense of self-worth and importance, show your love for the care recipient, help other family members, etc.
It may help to keep a daily journal where you write down the positive things that happened everyday so that you can remind yourself about the good things, even if they are small.
Keep your goals and expectations realistic and small so it is easier to measure your progress and to reward yourself and the care recipient.
Having a positive attitude can help decrease the perception of stress.

This information is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice, read more at: http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2838.xml

I try to remind myself that every little thing my husband is able to do and remember is in a way an accomplishment, because Alzheimer's is constantly trying to take these little things away from him. My goal is to keep him from losing what function and memory and he has left, or at least to slow the loss as much as I can. I try not to think about how much he has already forgotten or changed. That helps me to keep a more positive attitude.

That is a good way to think of it. Alzheimer's disease is a progressive disorder, meaning that in general, the disease continually gets worse and cannot be reversed. The goal of therapies is to slow the progression in order to prolong the quality years. So with this disease, staying at the same level of function is quite an accomplishment. If your husband does not get noticeably worse from day to day, then give yourself credit for those days as successes!

This information is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice, read more at: http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2838.xml

I have been caregiving for 5 years now. Mom is 92. Exercise works for me. Walking for at least 1/2 hour. And going to a movie by myself always makes me feel good.

I'm not new to caregiving, I have a full time job as an RN. I have a sitter that cares for my Husband during thr day and I take over when I get off. It is extremely difficult for me to stay in the day because as a nurse I know the end result. I have no time to myself because of the cost of his dailey care. However I am considering placing him in a nursing facility but again I have seen the adverse affects of that. I have no extended family other then our two Daughters which both have full time jobs. I am looking for ideas from those who have walked this pathway in there own experience. My husband is unable to care for himself and has fallen twice. I'm unable to get him up and he can't help me. He can still walk with a walker but can't get in or out of bed by himself. I'm concerned that he may hurt himself by falling which could compound the issues at hand.

Hi Dayna,
You seem to be in a tough situation in which no solution will be perfect. But for your own health and happiness, you might need to find the best option and learn to live with the fact you did the best you could. Maybe you can find a nursing home or assisted living facility that has an environment and programs that you feel is best for your husband and that you can afford. Maybe 24 hr home care is an option. When my father was at the point of falling and not being able to get out of bed by himself, my mother almost died trying to help him all by herself. Putting him in a nursing home was a tough choice, but the best choice all around.

Dear Dayna,

I understand how difficult this point in the journey can be! Sometime there is no "right" answer, but only steps that we take in our attempt to do what may be best for everyone. One thing that may be helpful is how you think about possible placement: it does not have to be permanent. Perhaps finding a good facility that will allow you to have a month or so of respite. In my experience, if the facility is good, you may find that you feel better about the placement with that amount of time... Or you may feel more rested and have some new insights in options you can access to bring him back home. Either way, a long respite may be a good idea. Best of luck!

Hello Dayna,

I thought you might be interested in a website that may be useful to you when considering placement in a facility, or options for home care: http://www.caremanager.org
This is an organizational of professional geriatric case managers and it may be useful to find one in your area and have a consultation. They are so helpful in identifying resources in your community, and knowing the 'ins-and-outs' of the local facilities in your area. They may also be helpful of thinking of ways to reduce your burden. I thought this might be helpful in the event you did not know about them!

Hi Dayna,
This is a difficult situation, and the fact that you are so carefully considering your options shows how dedicated and concerned you are as a wife and caregiver. I think gathering as much information about your options will help you feel better about whatever decision you make, whether it is temporary or permanent.
There are several sources of information that you might useful. For example, one resource you might consider is AGIS at http://www.agis.com/.
AGIS provides information about care facilities and services, planning for long-term care, options for paying for care, including Medicare and Medicaid, and support services for you.
During these difficult times, don't forget to take a few moments to take care of yourself.
Best of luck!

Thank You so much for the encouragement. Each of you have given me avenues that I can explore. I've taken the web sites and will look into them. I am able to enroll Billy in Medicare under me which will open some different areas that I can look into. I appreciate each one of you, God Bless, Dayna

I have a major issue. My dad is dying of a terrible cancer, and my mom is caring for him in their home. Here is the kicker. My mom has Alzheimer's. And we have NIGHTLY issues, mostly over my mom wanting my dad to eat things that he can't. We cannot get her to see a Doctor for HER problems, and since my dad is so sick, we are at a stand-still. How do I convice her to seek help for herself, when she thinks we are all OUT TO GET HER??? I appreciate any thoughts or suggestions!

Hi Terri,
I’m sorry you are in such a tough and complicated situation involving two sick parents. Whether your mother is able to accept it or not, both of your parents have medical conditions that leave them unable to fully care for themselves. It sounds like your mother’s Alzheimer’s disease is affecting her own care as well your father’s. It may help to think about your parents’ conditions as separate issues. What would be best for your father’s care and well-being? And as a separate issue, what would be best for your mother’s care and well-being? Their individual situations may require different solutions, such as a professional caregiver, temporary or long-term placement in a facility, or moving in with a family member. Would a simple solution such as safe-proofing the house and removing all undesirable foods work as a temporary solution? Is it time to consider hiring someone to help care for your parents in the home? Or perhaps you can consider having one or both parents move in with a family member or into an appropriate care facility, even if it is just temporary until the situation changes.
As for your mother’s Alzheimer’s disease, I do not know what medications she is taking or whether her symptoms are worsening. Does she have other medical problems that may be exacerbating her symptoms? It sounds like you feel she needs to see her doctor. Remember that it is usually unproductive to argue with someone with dementia. To your mother, her delusion that everyone is out to get her seems very real. Is your father capable of making decisions for himself and your mother? Maybe he can tell your mother that he is concerned about her health and would like her to see a doctor. Or you might consider telling your mother that you are taking her to see a physician for a general physical exam or other medical reason besides her dementia but tell her physician that you are primarily concerned about her dementia. Your mother may no longer know what is best for her. If you do not feel that your mother is competent to make her own decisions, it may be time to consider legally getting power of attorney for her.
These are just some of the things you and your other family members might consider. Good luck.

This information is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice, read more at: http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2838.xml

Dear Terri,
This is a very hard situation. Although I don't know very much about your mother and her dementia, it sounds like she is somewhat paranoid and doesn't understand the gravity of her husband's illness. It also sounds like some intervention is needed.
Sometimes family members have to deviousness in order to get their loved one to a doctor for a diagnosis. Maybe you can tell your mom that you are taking her for her annual check-up, or that she is going to see about her social security, or any number of alternate reasons to get her in the car.
Does your mom trust your dad's doctor? Maybe that doctor would be willing to talk to your mom.
Is your dad on hospice? If not, is he eligible (with 6 months to live)? Could you talk to the hospice nurse? Maybe your dad needs to be moved to an inpatient or "rehab" facility where he could get adequate care.
Having someone other than a family member tell your mom what has to be done might be effective in some cases. Best of luck.

I went from drinking to joining a gym 3 days a week. I now have more energy and drinking is not an option anymore. I personally have not mastered the daily task of schedules, but will prepare one,as time goes on. My mom has always been a talker and that has not changed, but the repeating of the storys had drove me to drink, which then I put on alot of weight. Now she gets a workout too, which seems to clear her mind and gets her smiling.

I worry about my father who is Mother's caregiver. She is not to the point of getting 24-hour professional help but is at a stage where leaving her alone is worrisome. Dad is 82 and like many from his generation is very private and doesn't reach out to others. I am limited in what I can do because he thinks he can/should do it himself. I worry that he is depressed but can't get him to address this with his doctor. Any suggestions would be very appreciated. My Mother is happy -- she is loved and doing well from her point-of-view. It is my Mother who a grieve overbut it is my Father whi keeps me up at night with worry.