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I have heard many different delusions from my 82 year old charge; some are even very hurtfull to the caregiver(ME) and it is true that it is pointless to argue...however it is human nature to defend yourself; once you do...Change the topic. Anyone else expierence this ?? Rainy

It is difficult not to feel hurt by hurtful words, even if you know that the hurtful words are the result of delusions or emotional instability secondary to a disease. Everyone has a right to their feelings, and you have a right to your feelings. So it is understandable that you sometimes find it difficult not to argue back and defend yourself to the person with dementia. You are correct, it is usually pointless to argue, because delusions seem real to the person with dementia. Sometimes it helps to try to find out why they hold the false beliefs. I agree that redirecting the person onto other topics or activities is a good idea. Sometimes walking away and taking a few moments for yourself before you start to argue can help. In my experience, I tried to deal with hurt and frustrated feelings by taking a few deep breaths, turning or walking away from the person, and venting silently to myself before returning my attention to my care recipient and changing the subject. I kept a journal of my feelings and wrote in it almost every night and whenever I felt really hurt or frustrated. But I admit that there were times when these strategies did not always work, and I said things that I now regret. But I kept telling myself that I would try to do better in the future. Good luck!

This information is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice, read more at: http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2838.xml

My mom is about to turn 73 and was diagnosed with the disease in 2003. July of last year we placed her in assisted living. I find it impossible to find good information on dealing with the delusions of the patient. Do I lie or do I try to convince her that it is not the truth. All that I have seen on the stages seems to be vague and limited to an average of five symptoms.
She believes that my brother has "her children" Of course the children all have our names. At times she has claimed that my brother or I have slapped her. At other times when my brother has extended his stay beyond the "norm", she has said he is not her son and called him "that man".
Our hearts are breaking and we both know that knowledge is power when it to trying to deal with our situation. Please help us to find more concise information on these areas of concern. I would also like any info on live forums with other caregivers and health professionals.

Hi Marilyn,
Delusions can be very challenging to handle. They can seem so irrational and yet can create so much hurt, anger, and frustration. But people with dementia believe that their delusions are true and may no longer be able to reason logically. So it is generally not productive to argue with those with dementia or to try to correct their false beliefs. Unfortunately there is no clear remedy for delusions. I don’t think there is one right approach to dealing with delusions. For every situation, you may have to try different strategies. In general, try to focus on feelings rather than facts. If your mother is having a delusion, you can try to calm her down by acknowledging her feelings and then reassuring her that she is safe and that her loved ones are also safe. Sometimes it helps to try to find out why she believes or feels what she does. Other times, distraction or changing the subject might work. You might find some aspects of LightBridge’s articles on Communication helpful: http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2862.xml and http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2922.xml.
A general method for managing delusions and other challenging behaviors is to identify the behavior and its antecedent and consequent events. Try to identify the stressors or triggers to the behavior. Examples of stressors include fatigue, a change of routine, excessive demands, overwhelming stimuli, and acute illness or pain. By identifying and reducing these stressors, you may be able to prevent or alleviate the challenging behaviors. If behavioral techniques are not successful, and the behaviors are particularly dangerous or burdensome, you might consider speaking to her physician to see if changing her medication regimen can help reduce her delusions.
Most importantly, you have to remember that your mother has a disease is causing the delusions. Try to tell yourself that the hurtful words are not coming from your mother but rather the disease.
Good luck.

This information is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice, read more at: http://www.lightbridgehealthcare.com/2838.xml